My Diary

29 May

A little from my diary!!

What a shame it is left to humans to decide on the future of our world! If it was up to any other species we would all thriving! I just cry when i see a well kept cow. pig, sheep, chicken, all species, then think of them in a pen with no space, no love, not allowed to feed or be with their babies.. I see it as there are us, Activists, the elite, the elite will be judged one day, then there are those who know and kid on they don’t and continue trying to fit in..

They are the ones who are wiping us out and letting the world suffer in their silence. These people are not uneducated or handicapped in any way..They are more bothered about the make of their trainers than what poisons and toxins they feed their children.. What has gone wrong with them i don’t know. I have always been a private weeper that has to do this because i have to mourn for all the pain i feel through others. Crying is a release valve, a human emotion that we must not bottle up or stress comes out in other ways..

When my Mum passed away unexpected when i was 24. My little life went to shreds..I never just lost my Mum i lost my best friend that i just adored..I had no religious beliefs as we were brought up atheists. When anyone said ”Don’t worry your Mum is watching over you” my God i was terrified…..

I kept on having panik attacks thinking i was having heart attacks. When i found Mum she was not dead but was gasping for breathe and her body was having a reaction and kept sitting up and down, a little like the exorcist..I screamed my head off and ran out of the house. Later i felt so guilty for leaving my best friend on her own..

28 years later and a lot of soul searching, analyzing and acceptance..Accepting life on lives terms and learning to like, then love Janice., Not constantly living in what could have been..We learn then how to deal with the next blow through our own experiences becoming stronger and more spiritual..Happy with how we are, not how we would like to be…

I am 22 year in recovery from chronic alcoholism One Day At A Time. Note, not recovered. I will always be an alcoholic, i was born like this..I believe for me it is an illness. I don’t fear the dead today. I accept them living spiritually around me..I get comfort from the spiritual world and my beautiful memories.I know i have Angels walk with me.. Only the body leaves us and we grieve for our loss but they are always going to be around..

We have our beautiful minds once we heal from the trauma. It is choice whether we learn to get stronger through experiences and become more in touch with our mental and spiritual side and less obsession about the vessel, the body..It is temporary!!

Nourish what you are…
Don’t seek!!
Look with in..
Your soul needs nourishing too.

When you are happy with yourself it shines through,,
You are complete..

Your beautiful spirit and soul shines through………..

That is why i cry secretly..

So i don’t distort my my three fold self,,,Image

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